We can think of a vast array of negative adjectives that seem to court Our Best Dressed Man Of The Week. Outspoken. Controversial. Egocentric. Imperious. Pretentious. These are but a few amongst the multitude. He's an actor in the openly right wing mould not seen since actors of old like John Wayne. His radical political ideology and Republican leanings haven't endured him to the general public as a whole. Well we'd suggest that those that pour scorn on his good name, merely lack the intellect to appreciate his greatness. The man is a polymath of epic proportions, excelling in the disciplines of acting, writing, directing, music and photography. His acting credentials are enhanced by his choice of film, shunning blockbusters for indie classics like The Brown Bunny and Buffalo 66 (both of which he directed himself). Meanwhile, his band RRICCEE are touring later this year, and are superb inspite of their lack of crtical and commercial recognition. His artwork has featured in many-a-gallery, while his written word has graced several publications. Prince Vince (as he used call himself), former spouse of the delectable Asia Argento, has an inimitably bohemian style. He's got that certain air of masculine panache, denoting a level of sartorial enlightenment. No wonder he's been the face of YSL, whilst also collaborating with other high profile brands, including Supreme and Belvedere Vodka. Nonetheless, the true cuase of our admiration of Vinny stems from the sheer hilarity of the pseudo-arrogant, self-aggrandizing spiel on his merchandise website. Not just joke clothing ranging in prices from $150 to several thousand dollars, this is a man who offers his "disease-free" sperm at steal; $1,000,000. Comic genius. Furthermore, you can get a date with this self-styled lothario for $50,000. How could you not consider this man legendary? For snippets from the blurb accompanying his offers, check out after the jump.
Quote Vince:
"No real female will be refused. However, I highly frown upon any male having even the slightest momentary thought or wish that they could ever become my client. No way Jose."
"Female couples of the lesbian persuasion can enjoy a Vincent Gallo evening together for $100,000. $200,00 buys the lesbos a weekend. A weekend that will have them second-guessing."
"Potential clients are advised to screen the controversial scene from The Brown Bunny to be sure for themselves that they can fully accomodate all of me. Clients who have doubt may want to text themselves with an unusually thick and large prosthetic prior to meeting me. You may well be suprised just how much you can handle and how good it feels."
"If the purchaser of the sperm chooses the option of natural insemintation, there is an additional charge of $500,000. However, if after being presented detailed photographs of the purchaser, Mr Gallo may be willing to waive the natural insemination fee and charge only for the sperm itself."
"There are no known genetic deformities in his ancestry (no cripples)...If you have seen The Brown Bunny, you know the potential size of the genitals if it's a boy. (8 inches if he's like his father.) I don't know exactly how a well hung father can enhance the physical makeup of a female baby, but it can't hurt."
And finally Vinny boy offering $50,000 discount to anyone "who can prove she has naturally blonde hair and blue eyes" and "anyone who can prove a direct family link to any of the German soldiers of the mid-century." Further expressing his desire to impregnate a Jewish woman, because "this connection to the Jewish faith would guarantee his offspring a better chance at good reviews and maybe even a prize at the Sundance Film Festival or an Oscar."
As far as Sartoreality is concerned, anyone lacking in affinity for Monsieur Gallo, merely typifies thier own Plebian tastes. We salute you Vin, keep up the good work.
Signed,
Ewan I.C. Wunderinlyfe (esq.)
(Sartoreality's resident intellectual observationalist)
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